


here, now

by goldengreen



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, for the soul because I n e e d it, they are in LOVE love ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 04:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18359015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldengreen/pseuds/goldengreen
Summary: Matteo and David attempt baking space brownies and end up playing 20 questions instead.





	here, now

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before,” David says, resting his head against one of Matteo’s ratty pillows. 

They are in Matteo’s room, a little tired after spending most of the afternoon attempting to bake special brownies. Attempting is the key word, considering that Matteo is as much of a disaster in the kitchen as he is at other things. Truthfully, David is not much better, even though the idea of baking weed into the brownies was his. 

Neither had ever tried to make them before; Matteo thought it was too much effort — why bake your weed when you can perfectly well roll it into a joint in a matter of seconds? — and David just had never had the opportunity before. But when Matteo had once again invited him over for cheese toasties, he decided to flip it on him and ask Matteo if he was in the mood for something sweet, instead. Matteo agreed, eager to spend time with David no matter what they were making. He had already eaten pickles with whipped cream in a sandwich for him. How much worse it could get?

Well, pretty bad. Turns out that David thought that to make special brownies you only had to add the weed to the batter, like it was any other ingredient. If any of them had bothered to look up the receipt, though, they would have learned that in order to make edible brownies, they actually had to follow a few more steps, including destiling the weed into oil, which is what ultimately would get high and make the brownies not plain gross. 

Now they are back in Matteo’s room with nothing to eat or smoke. Matteo vaguely wonders if he should feel more annoyed — that was a waste of perfectly good food and weed. Still, he couldn’t be more content. They have been laying on his bed for a while now, resting up and talking about everything and nothing. 

He proposed playing the 20 questions game thirty minutes ago, something he hasn’t played in ages — probably since he was in middle school with Jonas and Carlos. David had seemed a little hesitant at first, but quickly decided he was game to play once Matteo said it made sense for them to play since they barely knew anything about each other. The questions had started innocuous enough “what’s your favorite color?” and “do you have a middle name?” and “if you could go anywhere with no budget, where you go?” but they had increasingly change to more personal things such as “if you didn’t have to worry about anything, what would be a perfect day for you?” and now, David’s last question:  _Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before._

Matteo hesitates, questioning how much he should reveal. He is so used to the lie. This lie that looks so much like the truth, he almost convinced himself that it isn’t. As long as he doesn’t spend too much time questioning the lie or picking it apart in his mind, he can believe it. What he’s always wanted, more desperately than anything, is to forget that the lie is a lie. If he could only believe his own lie, shape it into the form of a truth, then everything would be fine. He would be fine. 

But lately, his shoulders hurt with the effort of carrying around the lie. He is tired, and way to sober for this, but he trusts David with the truth: 

“I’ve never been attracted to girls,” he says. “I wished I was, for the longest time. I think it would make things easier.”

David looks at him for a long time before whispering: “I used to be a girl.”

Matteo takes a moment to process this information. 

David likes to draw. His favorite film is Only Lovers Left Alive. He wants to live in Detroit because it is the city of music. He has a sister named Laura. He tried to stop Sara from getting shitfaced at his party. He is kind to Leonie even when he is not interested in her. He has long, dark eyelashes that cast shadows on his cheekbones when the light hits his face just right. He looks good in a beanie. He used to be a girl. He isn’t one anymore. 

The knowledge falls into the limited list of facts that Matteo knows about David. He catalogues it as another bullet point, another thing to know about someone Matteo wants desperately to learn everything about. It doesn’t change things for him in the slightest. 

Matteo can tell by the look in David’s face that he is expecting a reaction, possibly a negative one. But Matteo just stretches his hand — so slowly, so carefully — to move a strand of hair that is hiding one of his eyes. “Okay.”

“Okay?” David exhales, laughing a little, his voice tinged with something like incredulity. “That’s all?”

With his hand still in David’s hair, Matteo makes himself stare for a second longer than necessary, hoping that David sees in his eyes what he hopes he knew how to say. What he wants to say is  _who you were then makes you who you are now. And all I can think about is you, now. All the time._

But he doesn’t know how to say that, he doesn’t know how to make his words carry enough meaning to explain everything he thinks, everything he feels. So he just gets imperceptibly closer to him. “Yeah.”

“Okay, then.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Matteo still has a hand in David’s hair, and for the past few seconds, he has been moving his thumb over his temple. The movement is intended to soothe David, but the repetition is making him feel more grounded. He has never felt more present, more in the moment, more exactly where he wants to be. He feels overwhelmed by the intensity of these feelings, but for the first time in a very long time, he doesn’t need a joint to take the edge off, he doesn’t need music to drown his thoughts, he has no real desire to isolate himself. He just wants to  be. Here, now. 

When David places his hand on top of his, pausing the movement, Matteo opens his eyes. He can’t remember closing them, but it was probably a response to the overstimulation, a way to try and make it feel this moment a little less intense. Because staring into David’s eyes, seeing the way he is staring back — too much. And yet, not even close to enough. 

When David closes the space between them with a kiss everything inside of Matteo gets quiet. Every thought that plagues his mind at a million miles per hour, every insecurity, every fear — stops.

All he can focus on is this: the way that their hands fit just perfectly together, how David moved them between them and he can actually feel both their heartbeats at once. The way David looked just before his lips touched his, his silent determination. David’s kisses, period —the way they make him feel like they have all the time in the world to do this, just this, kiss and kiss and kiss, intense precisely because of how languid they are, how one kiss ends and another one immediately begins. 

Matteo has never been happier to tell the truth. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a plane because I missed them too much and it had only been less than 16 hours without content... am I obsessed with Druck? Haha... yes. 
> 
> Thank you T for the prompt. I think people will think I’m an amazing baker or something, but honestly I’m... not. 
> 
> Hope you like it and please let me know if you see any errors, I wrote and post this from my phone. 
> 
> All comments and feedback is greatly appreciated and you can talk to me at luielu.tumblr.com
> 
> EDIT: My friend Rue read this and informed me that the “used to be” sentiment (as in, David saying that he used to be a girl) could be perceived as offensive. I’m not trans, so I wholeheartedly apologize if this is upsetting. My only intention was to mirror the choice of words that Matteo uses (“I’m not attracted to girls” vs. “I’m gay) with David’s (“I used to be a girl” vs. “I’m trans). Those terms and labels are perfectly valid (I’m bisexual, and I like using that term to describe myself) but I also have many friends and know many people that simply don’t want to use labels. I liked te idea of them sort of dancing around their respective confessions, how they trusted each other to say these things and yet preferred to use language that was a little more ambiguous. Then again, I know it’s possible I messed up with this one and I’m very open to any comments and opinions anyone might have. I promise if I write about them again (and I hope I do, soon, because I LOVE them so much) I’ll do more research to express these things properly <3


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